you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
