The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
