I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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