HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
