I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
