I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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