my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize