I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
