If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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