And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
