Christians are straight up FREAKS
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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