If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
