Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
