Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
