people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The air was thick with penises
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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