The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize