Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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