Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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