i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She announced her abortion via fbk
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
