and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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