i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
