So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
