I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
