ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
