Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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