her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize