i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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