we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
