if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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