i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
