I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
