I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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