only you would photoshop your dick
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
