i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
