i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
