Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
