Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
