considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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