Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
