Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
