I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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