It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
