I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
