PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
