Fine. I'll sleep in my office
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
