Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Houston, we have a blender
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
