my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize