You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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