People in love make me want to vomit
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
