Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
