YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
