That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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