Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im holly from the hills drunk
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
