Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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