Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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