If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
