i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
