I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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