she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
