More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
