Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
