My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
