We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
