My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
