is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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